Chapter Five

Jace

I was laying across my bed and thinking about Ella.

During last period she had kept throwing me worried glances. How the fuck could she be worried about me? I wondered if she had heard Ryan's crude remarks about her. I didn't know whether I should be thankful, or bummed that she had showed up when she had, I was just about to beat the living shit out of him. That kid was such a fucking prick, and he needed a good ass kicking.

Anyway, Ryan Weber was the least of my problems. What was I going to do about Ella? It was just so fucking like me to get involved in something like this.

"Just fucking great." I groaned rubbing my hands over my face in frustration.

"Jace!" Ian called for me from somewhere in the apartment.

I groaned again and picked myself up off the bed, what the fuck did he want? I opened my bedroom door a crack and poked my head out. "What's up?" I yelled out.

"Phone's for you." He yelled over the sound of the TV. How had I not heard the phone ringing? I must have been pretty fucking out of it.

I practically sprinted down the hallway to the living room. I wondered if it was Ella, I had given her my number and told her to call me if she felt the urge to fucking rip her skin off. Needless to say, because I was a messed up fucker, I kind of hoped it was her, not that I wanted her to want to rip her skin off or anything- In fact I didn't know why I was so fucking hopeful it was her.

Pathetic.

When I reached Ian he had this stupid sly grin on his face. "It's a girl." He said excitedly, I pretty much expected him to start giggling like a little fucking school girl at this point.

I snatched the phone out of his hand and shot him a look that said fuck off before walking back to my room. I waited until I was safely behind my closed door before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Her voice sounded so small and far away.

"What's up?" I asked like the tool that I am. This wasn't going to be a shoot the shit type of conversation.

I could hear her breathing, it was coming out in fast choking sounds.

"Ella?" I was panicking now.

"I don't know what to do Jace." She was sobbing, and the sound was just fucking heartbreaking. I was in way over my head.

"Just try to talk to me." I said trying to remain calm. I didn't want her to know how much of an effect she was having on me, or was it more that I didn't want to admit how much of an effect she was having on me? Fucking idiot I chided myself.

"I- I-" She stuttered before making this frustrated growling sound.

"Just fucking relax, take a deep breath."

"I have to go to court, I just got the letter with a date today." She said out of fucking no where. Well, well, well- maybe this girl had more in common with me than I thought.

"Uh, okay." I said lamely while looking around my room. I felt so fucking stupid right now. She was just doing the weird breathing thing again.

"Listen, Ella you really gotta try to fucking breathe." I looked down at my free hand now and studied it. "It's not like you're the first person to go to court." I grunted thinking back to just a few months ago when I had stood in front of a judge.

"Or to be raped." She said bitterly, just startling the shit out of me. That's what she would be going to court for, duh! Sometimes I was such a dumb fucker.

I don't know why but I had never expected her to actually say anything about the whole rape thing out loud. I mean, even though it seemed like pretty much the whole fucking school knew I figured she wasn't going to confirm all the rumors, and really it just made my heart sink.

Since when had I turned so damn soft?

Then she just fucking hung up, after dropping a bomb like that, she fucking hung up on me.

I walked out of my room feeling more than a little shitty, and when I hung up the phone Ian was right there just fucking staring at me.

"What?" I snapped at him angrily, my mood more than a little sour.

"Who's the girl?" He asked a little too eagerly.

"Wrong number." I shrugged.

"Jace, she asked for you specifically." He was glaring at me through narrowed eyes. I glared right back daring him to start with me.

Most people would be intimidated by Ian. He was tall and stong as fuck. We had the same dark blue eyes and dissheveled hair, but he was a lot taller and bulkier than I was. Still, I knew he was like a fucking teddy bear, rather than the grizzly bear he looked like.

"Fine, but I'll be watching you." He said in a warning tone.

What-fucking-ever. "Drama queen." I mumbled under my breath before we were interrupted by a knock at the door.

I watched as Ian's scowl turned into a smile, and I knew with out asking that it was Norah at our front door. I watched as he let her in, and found myself feeling jealous again. What the hell was happening to me?

"Hey babe." Norah said while walking into the apartment, and returning Ian's goofy ass smile. I watched as he pulled her into a giant hug and kissed her.

Corny fuckers.

Well, usually I would say that two people laying it on this thick were fucking corny as hell, but these two were the real deal, and for some reason I found myself hating them for it.

"Well, I'll be in my room." I said to no one in particular, considering the only other people in the room were totally consumed by each other. "You know, lighting things on fire." I joked, knowing full well they weren't listening. "Maybe snorting some lines." I added while backing away from them

"Alright Jace." Ian said absently.

***



Later that night while laying in bed, I found myself thinking about the last night I had seen my parents. Usually I didn't allow myself to think about that, and the only time I did was through the unwelcome nightmares I had, but here I was just fucking openly remembering it...

I had snuck out to hang with a couple of the guys from my school. Even before I had been a troubled fucker. My dad was an alcoholic and abusive, and my mom was barely ever home because of her job. Needless to say it was always me and my asshole father in the house, and he liked to physically show me just how much I pissed him off all the time.


Anyway, I was sneaking back in to my bedroom window after a night of drinking (like father like son I guess). My mother was home by now, and I could hear them just fucking screaming at each other. I was pretty intoxicated and they were irritating the shit out of me.


"You think you can just leave me?" My dad's drunken voice slurred.


"You don't contribute anything to this family!" My mother's voice was shaky and coming out in sobs.


That was the last thing I ever heard my mother say, and then the screaming started. I tried to get out of my bedroom and into the living room, but I was buzzed and clumsy as fuck, I wasn't fast enough. My dad had already decided to use a steak knife on my mother.


"What the fuck are you doing?!" I screamed at him as I watched in horror. There was so much blood.


Too much blood.


"Go back to bed boy." He warned me with a look of malice. He was fucking insane.


Then I completely lost it. I just fucking lunged at him.


I could feel the sharp edge of his knife, stabbing and slicing at various parts of my body as he tried to fight back, but I was stronger than him.


After all those years of getting beat on, I finally delivered the beating.


I killed him.

I fell back into present day painfully. I gripped at the blankets on my bed and gritted my teeth, I could feel as the hot tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. Shit, I was going to pay for that little stroll down memory lane. I figured it was time for another chemically induced calm, so I got up and headed straight for the bathroom.

***







Ella

I stared at my alarm clock in frustration. It was already way past time to get up, and I had not slept nearly enough the night before. I just layed in bed replaying what I had said to Jace on the phone. What was it about him that gave me diarrhea of the mouth? In fact why had I even called him?

"El, you gotta get up!" My dad shouted from the hallway causing me to pull the pillow over my face.

"I'm not going." I mumbled into my pillow case.

I heard him slowly turning the knob to my bedroom door, and realized I was in a short-sleeved shirt. Shit! How had I been so careless? I was usually always mindful of stuff like this.

"Alright, I'm getting up!" I said with far more enthusiasm than necessary.

I watched as the knob ceased turning. "You have ten minutes, or you're gonna be late." He said, pausing a moment before I could heard his footsteps retreating.

I rushed around throwing on a pair of jeans and a plain white long-sleeved shirt. I didn't even pause to look in the mirror as I grabbed a hoodie from the closet, and threw on a pair of black chucks.

I brushed my teeth rapidly and thoroughly before running out of my room. "Done!" I yelled while stomping down the stairs.

***



When we finally arrived at the school we did our whole awkward goodbye thing, where he tried to give me words of support to help me make it through the day, and I tried to fake a smile to assure him I was fine.

Today however was a little different because as I was forming my 'smile',  Jace ran up to the truck wearing a smile of his own. OH SHIT.

"Hello Mr. Smith." He said with a nod before turning and adressing me. "Ella."

I just narrowed my eyes at him in response.

My dad stared at me first and then at Jace. "Hello." He grumbled and then said something about running late before taking off.

Great, now I was going to have to come up with an explanation as to why Jace Parker came to say hi to him, especially because I had specifically told my dad I would stay away from him. I just kept staring at Jace waiting for an explanation, with a look on my face that I'm sure read something along the lines of What the fuck?

He just smirked at me and crossed his arms. "I told you that you were stuck with me now."

"Yeah, but my dad doesn't exactly like the idea of me hanging with the town deviant." I hissed before thinking. I watched as his face contorted quickly from a smirk, to a look of hurt, and then back to the smirk again. Jace Parker may act like a badass, but he had feelings too.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I mumbled biting my lip and looking around the parking lot. "It's just, I guess you don't have the best record, and my dad is just really protective of me now." I sighed before continuing. "He probably doesn't think you're a safe person for me to hang around. " I looked up at him now feeling horrible.

"And you?" He asked staring into my eyes.

"Ha, ha ." I snarked. "I get it I'm not stable-"

"No." He interrupted me. "I mean, do you think I'm safe to be- I mean hang with?"

I looked at him, studying his face for a moment before answering. "Yes." I said, and right away I knew it was true, because for some reason that I couldn't understand I trusted him. Maybe it was because he was keeping my secret, well so far at least.

At this he just smiled at me, and it was probably the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

***



During all of first period I could feel Jace's presence as if we were actually touching, I had to chew on my pen, and bounce my leg up and down to distract myself from the fluttering feeling of the bat-sized butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach.

"Would you fucking stop." He snapped at me quietly.

"What?" I asked worried that I had been saying my thoughts out loud.

"You're driving me insane with that bouncing." He gestured to my leg.

"Oh, sorry." I slowed my leg and sank into my seat.

"Hey." He nudged me looking concerned now. "What's bugging you?"

But before I could answer, Mr. Plant, our chemistry teacher called on me to answer some question that I hadn't even heard.

"Uh- um-" I stuttered feeling myself turning crimson with embarassment. I hated having attention brought to me, especially when I was making a fool of myself.

"Please pay attention Ms. Smith." He scolded frowning in Jace's direction.

I didn't talk to Jace for the rest of the period, even though I could feel him staring at me.

***

Lunch was going good until Jace asked me to pull up the sleeve of my shirt, and show him my arm.

"Excuse me?" I shrieked staring at him in disbelief.

"I told you I was going to make sure you weren't doing that shit anymore." He stared at me pointedly.

"Its really none of your business whats under my clothes." I said, glaring at him.

"I'm not asking for you to fucking flash your tits at me, just show me your god damn arm." He said roughly before looking horrified.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think before I said that." He apologized immeadiately, but the sad thing was it hadn't even upset me. If it had been any other guy I'm sure it would have... What was it about him?

"I can't show you in the middle of the cafeteria." I frowned, pulling on my sleeves self-consciously

"Just tell me." He stared at me long and hard. "Did you do it again?"

I looked at him sucking my bottom lip into my mouth, and chewing on it. He stared at my mouth for a moment before looking back into my eyes.

"Yes." I whispered breathlessly, knowing I had let him down.

He just looked at me and then looked away, jaw clenched and hands gripping the lunch table.

Damn it. Things were so much easier when I didn't have to worry about hurting some one else. Now I just felt guilty, and guilt made me want to cut, and cutting would hurt him- it was a vicious cycle. So I just swallowed the guilt right there, trying to ignore it.

We sat in silence for the rest of lunch.

Chapter Four

Ella


"Look at it this way El, you're half way through the week." My dad said trying to lift my spirits as he pulled into the school parking lot.

I felt horrible for everything I was putting him through, I knew he worried about me constantly, but I couldn't get out of this horrible mood.

"Yippe." I grumbled dryly while grabbing my backpack and tossing my hood up. Of course it was pouring out, just to add to my morose mood.

"See you later!" He smiled at me as I slammed the door to the truck shut.

I didn't even want to admit why I was feeling so crummy, because it was just completely and utterly ridiculous. It seemed that no matter how much I told myself I didn't care, something about Jace Parker just pulled me in, and he didn't even want to be my friend.

Fine, I was just going to ignore him completely today. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I was smiling conspiratorially as I walked into chemistry.

I took my place in the seat next to Jace, and didn't even glance his way while I unpacked my text and notebook. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I realized the way he was sitting there, with his hands in tight fists resting on the table. He looked like he was in agony and I almost broke at that moment and asked him what was wrong, but he surprised me by turning towards me. Uh-

He just sat like that for a good thirty seconds staring at me. I could feel my face burning and I lowered my head so that my hair would fall between us, hiding me. When he was facing forward again I allowed myself a quick peek at him, he looked like crap and yet still amazingly hot.

His eye was still bruised, and there was a horrible dark circle underneath the un-injured eye. His face was set in a frown, and I could practically feel the hostility seeping off of him. I cringed away involuntarily, because even though I knew he wasn't angry with me he was making me nervous. Ever since that night with Brad I was always on the defense around people, especially guys, and this guy apparently was dangerous.

I continued studying his profile, remembering what my dad had said the other day about him having a record. What exactly had he done to get into trouble? I was driving myself insane with all this Jace business, I was obsessing. God, I was pathetic.

"Why are you staring at me?" He whispered huskily startling me from my thoughts.

"I'm not." I offered dumbly and looked down at my notebook pretending to write down notes.

"Whatever." He snorted.

"You were staring at me first." I pointed out chewing on the end of my pen.

"I didn't know if you were going to be all fucking weird again like yesterday." He shrugged, as if discussing my level of weirdness was no big deal.

I just continued chewing on my pen until I thought I was going to snap it, or break a molar. He thought I was a freak, I knew it. Well, at least I could get over this obsession and move on. I had my scissors and thats all that really mattered.

I didn't talk to Jace for the rest of the period, and I was already planning a trip to the bathroom when class ended. I sat there with my leg bouncing as I watched the second hand drag slowly around the clock. When the bell finally rang I picked up my backpack a little too hastily, spilling its contents everywhere.

"Damn it." I cursed bending over to collect my belongings. Two boot clad feet stepped in my line of sight, and I straightened up with the handful of loose papers I had just picked up.

Jace.

"These your's too?" He asked holding out my scissors with a look of confusion.

I swallowed hard and snatched them out of his hand. "Thanks." I mumbled as I packed them away safely.

I left the classroom quickly and started walking toward the bathroom. All of a sudden I got the feeling of being followed, I peeked over my shoulder nervously and no one was there. Maybe I was becoming overly paranoid now too.

***



Finally I was in the safety of my usual stall, I pulled up my left sleeve and made a swift slice. I had wanted to let some of the other cuts heal before cutting this area again, but I just needed to feel the release, and it was worth it.

I drew in a sharp breath as I studied my work, the cut was a lot deeper than I normally went. It wasn't anything serious by any means, but maybe I had gone a little over board this time. After running it under the faucet I took some toilet paper and wadded it up under my sleeve to keep the blood from staining my shirt.

I ran out of the bathroom not wanting to be late to the same class for the second day in a row, and collided with none other than Jace freaking Parker. What the hell? Honestly did this kid have a magnet strapped to him? It was like I was always destined to cross paths with him. He grabbed my arm to steady me and I winced as he squeezed the freshly cut flesh that was hidden by my sleeve.

"You really need to fucking watch where your going." He stated, but it sounded more like a parent speaking to their child this time, maybe minus the swearing. He didn't seem angry with me or anything, but I couldn't be sure he wasn't so I pulled my arm from his grasp carefully, and watched in horror as the wad of toilet paper fell from my sleeve.

"What the-" He bent over to pick it up with a look of confusion as I slowly started backing away from him. I had to get out of here. "What the fuck, are you bleeding Ella?" He asked sounding concerned and a little angry.

"I um, got a scratch." I fumbled with the lie lamely as the bell rang begining second period. Great, late again. I let my eyes dart around with out focusing on anything in particular.

He started walking toward me and I panicked, backing away timidly until I felt my food hit something hard. I looked over my shoulder at the wall behind me, he literally had me cornered. The familiar feeling of not being in control was overwhelming. I choked on the air around me and started shaking.

"Please." I asked, not sure what I was pleading for.

"Let me see." He said taking my hand in his and gently pulling my shirt sleeve up. He inhaled sharply as we both stared down at the marred flesh on my arm. There were six scabbed cuts, plus the angry open one from today. His eyes shot up from my arm to my face and he looked sad, and then pissed. I shuddered and pulled my shirt sleeve down roughly.

I was still trembling from the fear of him cornering me, it took me a moment to realize he was mulling something over, invisible wheels turning in his mind. He looked at me slowly and then his whole body coiled like he was going to run, and then I realized that thats exactly what he was going to do.

Shit.

He was probably going to go find someone to tell, he probably believed it would help me if someone found out, and that they could stop me. He was wrong.

"Promise me you wont tell anybody- please." I begged.

"I can't do that." He shook his head pursing his usually pouty lips into a thin line. He looked like he was battling with himself as he pulled his hands through his hair gripping at the ends roughly. "Fuck." He cursed shaking his head and pacing back and forth.

"It wont help you know." I offered

He stared at me through narrowed eyes, the effect probably would have been better if one of his eyes wasn't bruised.

"I mean it, and they will probably just haul me off to some looney bin." Again. I shuddered at the memory of my short stay in the mental hospital. I had been so depressed after what Brad did to me that my mom didn't know what else to do with me. My dad had gotten pissed when he heard where I was, and thats when he came and brought me to live with him.

"Damn it." He cursed some more. "What the fuck Ella, this isn't fucking cool."

"I'm sorry, just please-" I looked into his blue eyes now. "-Please, my dad thinks I'm getting better. You can't do this to him, it would break his heart. It wouldn't solve anything if people found out."

"Fine." He growled. "But just so you know I'm watching you from now on."

"You can't stop me." I warned him.

"We'll see." he said before walking away, leaving me in the hallway by myself.

***



I had ended up skipping second period all together after the mishap with Jace. Third period had been completely uneventful, well except for my panicked racing thoughts. Now I was in math waiting for the bell to ring. It was almost lunch time and I had to find Jace. I just kept praying he was being honest and wasn't going to tell anyone.

I was biting my lip and bouncing my leg up and down frantically as I finished the last of the classwork that the teacher assigned. I looked over at the door and saw Jace standing there through the narrow window. I tapped my pen restlessly as the last minute of class dragged on feeling more like an hour.

***







Jace

I stood outside the math class just waiting for her to get out. I still couldn't fucking believe that she was cutting herself. I guess it explained a lot about her weird behavior. She definitely had anxious tendencies from what I noticed over the past few days. I knew because I would recognize that shit anywhere, considering I was one anxious motherfucker myself.

The bell finally sounded releasing her from the class, I swear during the past three days that I've watched her, I had never seen her move so fast. She was up and out of the class within seconds.

"Hey." She said softly, looking around nervously.

I rolled my eyes at her obvious distrust. "I didn't tell anyone, would you fucking relax?"

"And you're definitely not going to?" She asked timidly.

"I fucking said I wouldn't." I snapped at her and then shoved my hands in my pockets before I could do something foolish, like hug her. I just couldn't stifle the urge to hold and protect her. I was fucking losing it.

She just nodded slightly at me. "Thank you."

"Yah, well, now you're stuck with me." I said roughly.

She looked up at me, confusion written across her face.

"I told you, I'm going to be watching you." I was dead serious too, I would make sure if she was going to do that shit that it wasn't on my watch.

"And I told you that you can't stop me." She said fiercly. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at her, because to be fucking honest this girl was anything but fierce.

"Whatever." I dismissed her statement continuing on. "Anyways, I figured that we could eat lunch together, off school grounds. Like go to Wendy's or some shit." I stared down at her and couldn't help but notice that she smelled fucking fantastic.

Shit I'm so fucked.

"Um, okay." She said looking a little apprehensive.

"You got something against Wendy's?" I asked trying to figure out what was causing her unease.

"No, its just- um- its stupid really." She said kicking at the ground and turning red.

"Cut the shit, and spit it out." I knew I was being an asshole, but she was irritating me. I didn't know how to help her and it was driving me insane.

"I just don't like being alone with guys." She said all the words together and quickly.

"Oh, ok." I mentally kicked myself for forgetting that the whole reason she had moved here was because of an ex-boyfriend. I wanted to know what the hell he did to fuck this girl up so badly, and I also wanted to find where he lived so I could maybe fuck him up in return. "Thats fine, we can just eat shitty school food." I shrugged.

"You don't have to do this Jace." She sighed.

"Well I don't really have a fucking choice do I?" I was getting a little pissed, she couldn't just expect me to carry around this huge secret for her and let her continue on the way she is. I couldn't take that shit, I didn't need another death on my hands.

"I'll be fine, I'm not trying to kill myself if that's what this is about." She gestured between the two of us.

"Oh you're not trying to." I nodded my head in mock understanding. "Well then, its all fucking fine then, I'll just hand you a knife and turn the other way."

She just sighed at my response and pulled on her sleeves.

"Like I said, you're stuck with me. So just fucking deal with it, or I can tell whoever I want." I ended that shit right there.

She just bowed her head in defeat and accepted that I was involved now.

***



Once we were seated at the table I normally occupied I noticed every motherfucker's eyes were planted on us. You would think we were two god damn celebrities, the amount of attention we were recieving.

I watched as Ella kept her eyes trained on her hands in her lap, her hair falling around her. She looked extremely uncomfortable. I sort of felt bad, but then decided that if anyone should be uncomfortable it was me. Sitting at a table with the girl I just found out mutilates herself, and feeling the eyes of every fucking moron in the school on us, yeah if anyone had the right to be uncomfortable it was this guy right here.

"So-" I started to talk but she cut me off.

"Can we not talk about it now?" She asked looking uneasy.

"How long?" I asked ignoring her.

"I just started doing that this week." She looked so uncomfortable, but I didn't care this wasn't fair to me either.

"Why?'

"I don't know, I really don't know what made me start." She sighed frustrated. "All I know is now I can't stop. It helps me release the pent up anxiety."

"Why not go on meds?" I asked my thoughts wandering to the bottle of pills in the bathroom cabinet at Ian's appartment. I shuddered remembering my dream from last night.

"I hate the way they make me feel." She shrugged. "Yesterday when I came into school, you said I was acting weird, its because my dad made me take my anxiety meds the night before."

I nodded but in the back of my mind I was wondering why the doctor that perscribed her those pills never followed up with her, it could be something as simple as the dosage. I didn't dare ask though, because then I would have to divulge why I knew so much about medication, and that was something I was not willing to share.

***



After lunch we had gone our seperate ways, and for two whole periods I had to listen to the whispers of my classmates. They already had several different stories going, the rumors were fucking ridiculous. Everyone had come to the conclusion that the two crazies at the school had found each other and gotten together. They were some what right in the sense that we both weren't normal and we had found each other, but this was strictly business, not romance.

I was on my way to english, and I hated how my body was thrumming with anticipationn at seeing Ella again. I comforted myself with the thought that I just wanted to see her so badly to make sure she was ok.

"Hey Parker."

I looked up at the sound of my last name and saw fucking Ryan Weber smirking at me. I just kept walking not even acknowledging that asshole.

"No wonder why you got so bent out of shape when I was talking about the new girl, I didn' t know she was your girlfriend." He was still wearing that fucking smirk and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it off his punk ass face, but I kept my cool and continued ignoring him.

"Let me know if she's a good lay, I bet she's a real freak in the bed." I was trying really hard to block out his obnoxious voice, but it was getting extemely difficult not to just go over and beat the shit out of him.

"Although that pussy might be all fucked up from the last guy. The douche bag ruined that tight little body when he raped her. How inconsiderate, at least let another guy have a turn." He snorted. "Who knows? Maybe she likes it rough."

Alright, that was fucking it. I started towards him, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. I was right in his face at this point and-

"Jace?" The sweetest voice ever cut through the haze of anger that had enveloped me, and stopped me in my tracks. I turned and she was standing right behind me.

"Come on lets get to class." I mumbled grabbing her hand and dragging her behind me.

Chapter Three

Ella


What the hell was wrong with me? I found myself sitting in the girls bathroom, once again, with my knees curled up to my chest. Why did I say that to him? I let my head fall back against the wall of the stall I was occupying.

Stupid, stupid girl.

I looked down at my exposed arm sighing, I couldn't keep putting these marks on myself I was going to have to wear longsleeves forever.

Or find a new place to feed my disgusting habbit-

I pulled my scissors out of my backpack and pulled up the hem of my shirt. My stomach was pale and unmarred, an empty canvas if you will. I closed my eyes and let the sharp edge of the scissors glide across the skin there.

Better.

I kept my head resting against the most likely STD infested wall of the bathroom, and closed my eyes welcoming the pain. I should have just done this last night when I had felt the panic setting in, it would have saved my father, and me a lot of trouble. He was always worried about me, not that I could blame him.

Last night I had let myself get too emotional, I had given in to the horrible memory. I had to learn to control myself, whenever I started remembering that night I tended to get carried away-  traveling back in time. It had all seemed too real and present last night, but it wasn't.

My screams were though.

My dad had raced in to my room, with a look of complete and utter concern. He had tried to comfort me, but I had cringed away from his touch completely curling in to myself.

"Have you been taking your anxiety meds El?" He had asked me gently, he had looked so grief stricken by my distraught and frantic appearance.

I was so stupid. Of course he would ask me about that, the truth was I didn't like taking the meds because I hated how they made me feel -but apparently mutilating my flesh felt just fine. I was quite the ironic one eh?

Anyways, he had ended up making me take my medication, which had resulted in my comatose state this morning. Even though I had taken the little white pill last night, the zombie-like state had carried over into my first period class.

I thought back to sitting at the table in chemistry, but it all felt kind of fuzzy. In fact my brain still felt kind of sluggish even thought the meds were pretty much out of my system. I did remember that Jace kid trying to talk to me, he probably thought I was literally insane. Oh well, it was probably better for him to want to keep his distance from me.

I decided it was time for me to go to class, and picked myself up off the disgusting floor brushing the back of my jeans off.

When I got to my next class I rushed in excusing myself. The teacher obviously was satisfied enough with my excuse of getting lost, considering I was new. I ducked my head in apology and shuffled to the empty desk in the front of the room.

"Hey." A female voice from behind me whispered over my shoulder.

I turned my head slightly acknowledging her, it was one of the girls from the bathroom yesterday.

"Whats with you and Jace Parker?" She asked sounding a little annoyed.

Now she had my attention. "What?" I asked wondering what the hell she was talking about.

"I saw him talking to you." She offered with a shrug.

"So-" I said feeling a little annoyed with this girl.

"So, he doesn't talk to anyone." She paused and stared at me frustrated. "Ever."

I turned and faced the front of the room again.

I could feel a weird stirring in the pit of my stomach, I worked my fingers over the spot where I had cut just moments earlier, letting the jolt of pain rip the feeling of butterflies out, replacing it with the comforting numb I was used to. Thankfully I had a black shirt on today, so you couldn't see any blood staining the fabric of my shirt where it was sticking to me.

***



The day had been pretty uneventful after second period. I ate alone in the cafeteria feeling the curious stares of my classmates. I didn't even attempt to sit with anyone, which clearly was out of the norm to them. Who would want to sit alone right? But I welcomed the silence as I took tiny bites off my sandwhich.

Who was I kidding- I wasn't going to eat it.

I got up and threw away my trash spotting Jace sitting alone near a window, he was writing something in a beat up looking notebook. He had earphones in and one of his legs was bouncing up and down to the beat of a song only he could hear. I watched him as he wrote for a moment longer and then finally tore my gaze away, feeling as though I was imposing on his privacy.

"Hellllll-oh!" The girl from second period, I had taken to calling her bathroom whore number one, was standing there when I turned around. "Earth to freakish new girl." She smirked at me putting her hand on my shoulder and shaking me.

I hated when people touched me with out my permission, especially in a dominating manor like this. I didn't know what was happening, but it was like I was blacking out, all I could see was red, and just when I thought I was going to haul back and punch her a large hand clamped down on her's removing it from my shoulder.

I looked up and saw Jace standing there gripping the girl's hand in his. I inhaled sharply noticing his eye for the first time today, it looked horrible, all black and blue. I forgot that he had left school with a black-eye yesterday, and I had been too out of it this morning to notice. Now I couldn't help but wonder how he had received it.

"Don't." He warned the girl dropping her hand roughly.

"Oh, hi Jace!" She whined trying to sound sexy, and failing miserably.

"Get the fuck out of here Rachel." He growled at her causing her to cringe.

He really had quite the mouth on him, why did I find it strangely hot?

Stop it. I chided myself before I could continue with that thought.

I went to open my mouth to say something to him, but he just shrugged at me and walked away, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

***



After a grueling afternoon it was finally last period, I entered english class warily. I was nervous, and unadmittedly excited to sit next to Jace for the next forty-five minutes. I let my eyes scan the room quickly and felt my shoulders drop when I realized he wasn't there. I dragged my feet as I made my way to the desk I had sat in yesterday.

I had taken out my english text and started doodling on a piece of loose paper inside. I kept staring at the vacant desk next to me from the corner of my eye. The bell had just rang, signaling that class was to begin when I saw him finally walk through the door, I felt my chest lighten as I watched him glare at the teacher daring her to say something to him for being late.

She didn't.

He took his seat in the desk next to mine and I felt as every molecule in my body buzzed with energy. I wanted to look at him but I knew I shouldn't.

***





Jace

I could feel her looking at me as I sat in my chair trying to ignore the urge to turn toward her. She probably wanted to know why I had come to her rescue in the cafeteria, or why I had talked to her this morning, but the truth was even I didn't know the answer to those fucking questions.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I continued glaring at the blackboard in frustration when I heard her sigh beside me. I turned to look at her against my own will, fuck.

She looked at me and tried to smile, it looked like it hurt or some shit.

And then she just surprised the fuck out of me. "What happened to your eye?" She asked staring at my face sadly.

"Mind your business." I snapped feeling like a complete tool.

"Ok." She bit her lip and looked down at her text book before whispering she was sorry or some shit, as if she were the one that had punched me.

I sat anxiously stealing peeks at her out of the corner of my eye, she had her leg bouncing up and down again. I cocked my head to the side, seriously what was with this girl?

The final bell sounded too quickly, releasing us from the hell hole school. This was the first time the bell had come unwelcome, and I didn't like the reason why I wanted to stay. I rubbed my hands over my face with more force than necessary forgetting all about the bruised side of it.

"Shit." I mumbled before stretching.

All of a sudden I realized I wasn't alone, I turned to look at who was still gracing me with their presence.

"Um- I- I- uh wanted to thank you for stepping in today in the cafeteria." She looked so small and fragile and I found myself thinking of how nice it would be to just fucking wrap my arms around her. I was fucked, why was this girl doing this to me?

"Well fuck, I guess you're welcome." I shrugged hoping my foul mouth would cause her to turn away from me, but she just offered me a small smile and nodded.

"See you around?" She said, but it sounded more like a question.

I automatically realized this question meant more than it seemed, it was her way of sneakily asking if we were ok. As if I could be this girl's friend, she would be my fucking undoing. So I did what I had to and just threw my stuff in my backpack before pushing past her.

I left her standing in the class room looking wounded.

Too fucking bad, it was for her own good anyway.

***



"Quit sulking and help me with dinner." Ian snapped at me.

I rolled my eyes at him from my stool at the counter.

Everything about my brother was pissing me off tonight, the fact that he could be happy, and that he always tried to cheer me up. Also the fact that his girlfriend Norah was coming over tonight didn't help my mood either. Don't get me wrong Norah was fucking awesome, and she was perfect for Ian, but that was just the point.

Happy fuckers.

I stayed in my seat watching Ian scramble around the kitchen, he was trying to make dinner for his girl. I couldn't stand it any longer, I slammed my hands down on the counter making a loud thwacking noise as I propelled myself up from the island that seperated the kitchen and living room.

"What the hell man!" Ian yelled as I stomped over to the couch and plopped my ass down.

"What?" I asked feigning innocence as I reached for the remote.

"What was that for?" He asked holding a pot in one hand, I couldn't help but laugh at him and this new domestic side.

"What ever do you mean?" And the I paused allowing him to get good and pissy before adding "Betty fucking Crocker."

He scowled at me and returned to preparing his meal.

I watched TV for a half an hour before there was a knock at the door, and that was my cue to move my sorry ass to my lonely bedroom.

Fuck it.

I didn't care that I was alone. I never felt this resentment toward Ian and Norah before, what the hell was wrong with me? I paced the floor of my bedroom raking my hands through my hair roughly. I had to get a grip on this shit and quick, this was getting out of control. I didn't even know this chick, and yet she had consumed my every thought since I got home this afternoon. Even Ian picked up on my mopiness, calling me out on my sulky ass mood, not that I was ever a happy fucker but this was ridiculous, and borderline emo. Gay.

"Fuck." I growled throwing myself down on my bed in frustruation.

***



That night I dreamt of my mother and father. I could practically hear my mother's screams of agony, and feel my father's blood on my hands.

I woke up in a cold sweat panting as the last of the images cleared.

Damn it.

I got my ass out of bed, it was three in the morning. I walked out of my bedroom as quietly as possible and darted into the bathroom. I was shaking frantically as I ripped the mirrored cabinet over the sink open. With trembling hands I reached for the pill bottle with my name on it, I swallowed two with out water and shuffled back to my bed.

I lay in the dark waiting for the medication to work its magic, and then I was out.

Chapter Two

Ella


It was finally the end of the day, the last bell had just rang and I watched in astonishment as the Jace guy crammed his books into his backpack. He was moving quickly and with more aggresion than I thought was necessary. I studied him for a moment because he really was something to look at, he had a strong jaw line with a straight nose and perfect lips. His hair was tousled in an unruly manor that made it look like he constantly raked his hands through it, the girls in the bathroom this morning had been right, he was gorgeous. I shook my head to erase those unwelcome thoughts, I had no need for a guy in my life, especially a guy with trouble written all over him.

He looked up suddenly catching me staring. "What the fuck are you looking at?" He snarled.

I looked down quickly, blushing. He probably thought I was a total spaz, I already walked into him twice and now I was caught openly gaping at him. I'm such an idiot, I could feel him glaring at me still so against my own will I looked up at him again.

"Why don't you take a fucking picture?" He spat before storming out of the room. Oh, he did not like me. I shakily got up and picked up my backpack glad that I could go home to the privacy of my bedroom.

As soon as I walked out of the school I spotted my dad's truck, I let out a breath of relief and booked it toward my ticket out of here. What the hell did I care if everyone was watching me run like a mad-woman, they all thought I was weird already.

"Hey kiddo!" My dad greeted me when I got into the truck. I nodded at him in response smiling slightly. I felt bad for my dad sometimes, he didn't really know how to deal with a teenage girl, but he tried his best. "How was your first day?" He asked.

"Um, alright I guess." I shrugged trying to let him know I didn't want to talk about it.

"Did you make any friends?" He pushed the subject further.

"Yah, um-" I looked around the parking lot stalling, I didn't want to worry him with the fact that everyone at the school thought I was a weirdo already. I looked out the windshield and drew in a sharp breath, Jace was walking across the parking lot. He looked the same as he had ten minutes ago, except now he was sporting a black eye, and he looked pissed. What the-

My dad interrupted my thoughts sounding nervous. "Don't tell me you made friends with Jace Parker?"

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"Jace." He pointed out the windshield to the gorgeous, and rather disgrunteled boy.

"Uh-no." I said simply, but felt my heart sink. I had actually done just the opposite, pissing Jace off to no end on my first day.

"Good." He said, and when I looked at him in confusion he continued. "That boy is nothing but trouble, he gets in fights regularly and he has a record."

"A record?" I asked feeling a little unnerved by this bit of information.

"Just stay away from him El."

I nodded and I guess that was enough for him because he put the truck in gear and started the journey home. We drove along in a comfortable silence and I couldn't help but think of Jace. What had he done in the ten minutes between last period, and when I saw him walking across the school lot? How had he gotten that black eye?

***



Once I was finally home and in the safety of my bedroom I let myself have my release. I felt slightly better about the little confrontation with Jace, and I was hoping he would forget my awkward staring and I could go back to being invisible. It seemed to work well with everyone else, nobody bothered with me. It might of had something to do with the weird meeting I had in the girl's bathroom that morning, I know those girls sensed something was off about me. They probably told everyone how weird I had acted. I didn't care to be quite honest, I prefered to just be left alone. I had enough anxiety as it was with out having to worry about how I was effecting other people.

I looked down at my arm, which now had a total of six slices and went into my bathroom to clean up the fresh cut I had just made, and the two that I had inflicted at school. I thanked my dad silently for letting me take the room with it's own bathroom.

After dinner, which was a frozen dinner, I finished up my homework and read a couple of chapters from the new book I had bought. It was midnight, I stared at the pillows resting on my headboard furtively. I knew I should get some sleep because it was getting late and I had to get up for school in the morning, but I couldn't keep my throat from getting tight and I knew that meant I was on the verge of a panic attack.

I curled up in a tight little ball and tried to fight the moster that was clawing at my chest, threatening to steal my breath away. I layed there and let my breaths come in tiny gasps and felt as the tears poured from the corners of my eyes.

"Don't you love me?" Brad's voice echoed in my memory.


He was grabbing me and pulling me toward him as I fought to wiggle free.


"Please, don't!" I cried as he started ripping my clothes off violently.


"You're such a prude Ella." He looked angry with me.


"Please Brad!" I begged him but he just kept pulling and ripping at the fabric covering me until I was completely exposed.


"You always tease me, and never let me touch." He was grabbing me roughly enough that I would have bruises, and then he, then he-

"STOP!" I screamed out loud pulling on my hair roughly with both hands, tears streaming down my face.

"Ella?" My dad's worried voice called from the other side of my door.

***





Jace

I sat on the ratty couch in my older brother Ian's apartment, well it was our apartment now seeing as I had moved in with him recently.

"What the hell Jace?" He asked staring at my face.

"What?" I barked staring at him through narrowed eyes.

"What do you mean what? What happened to you face?" He threw his hands in the air and stared at me clearly exasperated. "Another fight?"

"No, I figured I'd experiment with some makeup." I snarked.

"Really funny." He said dryly.

"It's no joke, if you pick the wrong colors with your skin tone-" I paused to cluck my tongue and shake my head. "I think I'm more of a winter hue honestly." I continued with my sarcasm, I knew it was pissing him the fuck off.

"Jace, I can't help you if you don't talk to me." I rolled my eyes at him as he continued trying to be my parent.

"You can't keep getting into fights like this, what happened this time?"

I thought back to this afternoon.

When I had gotten out of last period Ryan Weber had been talking to one of his football buddies about the new girl. He was pissing me the fuck off, but honestly when wasn't I pissed off in that school? Anyways, he had said some shit about her being hot, but not dateable. He had called her damaged goods. I don't know why this had infuriated me, but I thought I should show Ryan what it was like to have his goods damaged, if you know what I mean.

"Nothing." I grunted turning the TV on and hopefully closing the discussion.

"Honestly Jace? Ryan Weber? The quarterback?" Ian cocked his head at me as if he couldn't decode me. "You really know how to pick your fights, Jesus, what are you trying to do- get the whole school to show up here with torches and pitchforks?" Shit, word got around fast in a small town.

Obviously I wasn't going to enjoy any god damn TV tonight.

Fucking Ian.

"Whatever." I grunted getting up and walking to my room.

"You're gonna get yourself killed one day!" He yelled after me.

"Don't provoke me." I laughed with out humor slamming the door to my bedroom shut on his response.

I layed down on my full-size mattress and tried to get comfortable, I was going to try to get some sleep but my eye was throbbing.

I smiled at the memory of this afternoon.

I had tapped Ryan on the shoulder and when he turned to look at me I had kneed him in the balls so hard I'm sure he could taste them. I know this was a shitty ass move on my part, hitting below the belt, but he fucking deserved that shit.


He had looked at me in shock, and then anger and took a swing at my face before doubling over. He had hit me, and he had hit me good, but I took it with a menacing smile that was bordering on insane.


"Damaged goods." I stated gesturing toward his surely painful crotch. I watched him as he stayed double over and I leaned in to where his face was. "That shit hurts doesn't it?" I asked before walking away.

I hoped where ever that asshole was that his balls were throbbing as bad as my face, maybe I should have stayed and kicked the shit out of him, but I couldn't afford to get suspended. I also couldn't afford to get Ian really mad at me, he was my only living relative left, and I had no where else to go.

I layed in silence for a bit before drifting off into a deep sleep, where I dreamt of everyone from my school coming to Ian's apartment with torches looking for me. I was wearing black eye makeup, and looked much like a member from Kiss. I ran to the top of the apartment building and Ella was there, and she helped me find a way to escape.

I was obviously fucking insane.

***



The next day at school I waited in the parking lot until I saw Ella's father's truck pull into the student drop off lane. I watched with more interest than I would like to admit as she got out of the truck, her hair was covering her face and top half of her body. She had her head down and her arms pulled around herself, much like yesterday when she walked into me. I wasn't actually mad that she had walked into me, but she really should try to keep her head up while walking. I watched as she shuffled into the school, she seemed to be dragging her feet on the ground and I wondered if she was tired.

What the fuck? Why did I care?

I got into the chem lab and took my usual seat waiting anxiously for Ella to enter the room. God I was fucking retarded, I shouldn't even be thinking of talking to this girl. I couldn't let anyone get close to me, I was fucked up enough on my own, I would just end up hurting someone.

I finally had my thoughts in the right place when she walked in the room. She was practically dragging herself down the aisle when I looked up at her. I continued watching her warily and decided that she was just like any other girl, no reason for me to get all dumb and hormonal.

She flopped down weakly in her seat and stared at the top of our table in silence. I studied her curiously as she just continued staring down at the table. What the fuck was she looking at? I directed my attention to where her gaze was fixed, there was nothing there. Then I remembered the last time I had talked to her yesterday, I had been anything but nice. I mentally kicked myself for my harshness, and then decided it was for the best. She couldn't be interested in me, and I just made sure that she knew that.

Through out the period she just continued staring at the same spot on the table with no expression on her face. I was going insane watching her from the corner of my eye, my whole body on edge waiting for her to move. At one point she sighed causing me to jump and turn my whole body towards her, this broke her staring match with the table for a moment, and she looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

"Uh, look." I started searching for words and rubbing at the back of my head. "I'm sorry I fucking tweaked on you yesterday." I said quickly.

She just looked at me with her haunted eyes for a few moments, I noticed that her pupils were dialated and decided she was just high or something.

"Are you high?" I asked, because apparently I had no filter between my brain and mouth today.

She inhaled sharply shaking her head and pulling at her longsleeves.

"Oh." I stated even though she had to be lying, her pupils were fucking huge. Whatever.

I stopped talking after that and she just continued staring at her favorite spot on the table, fucking weird.

When the bell finally rang she made no move to get up, I pretended to dig for something in my backpack and watched as the classroom emptied out, she was still just sitting there. I looked around nervously before looking at her. "Uh, you should probably get moving, yeah?"

She looked up at me then and her eyes seemed to suddenly come to life, filling with tears. "I just wanted to stay numb." She cried out.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I didn't know what to do if she started crying. I looked around at everything in the room but her. Then she surprised me by getting up and flinging all of her shit into her backpack, and running out of the room.

Chapter One

Ella

The nightmare was always the same.

I was at my boyfriend Brad's house and we were supposed to enjoy a nice dinner together. He was making a lasagna for us, and the smells of the sauce and cheese filled the air making my mouth water. We were sitting on the couch in his living room when he leaned towards me slowly and started kissing me. I remembered thinking how much I loved him, and I remembered thinking that he had loved me too, but I was wrong.

I jolted out of bed with a start sweating and shaking. I was so worked up and I couldn't shake the last images of the nightmare from my mind. I darted my eyes around my bedroom anxiously, and even after I convinced myself that nothing was out of sorts I still couldn't slow my heart rate. I felt like I was going to lose it, and I needed a release.

I paced around my bedroom anxiously before my frantic search ended at the sight of the scissors on my vanity. I went over and picked them up with shaky hands remembering last summer when I had tried to cut my own bangs with them.

Last summer my life had been normal. I thought this and pictured his face as I brought the scissors to my wrist and dug the sharp edge into my skin.

I watched as the blood welled up and felt the calming effects the slice had solicited. I returned to my bed and sat a moment, waiting for my breathing to even out before giving in to my exhaustion.

***

The next morning I awoke grudgingly. Today was going to be particularly horrible seeing as not only was I starting at a new school, but my anxiety was acting up. I couldn't believe I had another panic attack, that was the third one this week.

I sighed throwing the blankets off of me and made my way over to my closet. I paused looking down at my pajamas, which only caused me to sigh again. I must have slept on my arm, my shirt had dried blood on it.

I studied the damage I had inflicted the night before feeling disgusted. There were three cuts total marring the pale skin of my forearm, one for each episode this week. I still don't know what made me pick up the scissors that first night, I think I was just sick of feeling like I couldn't release the pressure inside of me. Something had to give, but now it seemed each time I had an attack I wanted to cut myself again.

"Long sleeves it is." I growled frustrated with myself.

I attempted a look in the mirror after getting dressed further souring my mood. I may have been some what attractive at one point. Now dark circles had permanently taken up residence on my pale face giving my hazel eyes a haunted look, and my long brown hair had lost all of its style just hanging to my waist limply. I looked lifeless, which was pretty much how I felt.

"Ella!" My dad's voice echoed up the stairs breaking my staring match with my reflection. "You're gonna be late, lets go kiddo!"

***

My dad dropped me off at the main entrance of the school trying to smile reassuringly at me, I forced a smile back before slamming his truck door and watched as he drove away. I sighed pulling my arms around my torso protectively before walking slowly with my head down.

Here goes nothing I thought just before colliding with something, or rather someone solid. I looked up and was met with the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen.

"Sorry." A rather disheveled and extremely handsome boy grumbled at me.

I shoved my shaking hands into my pockets and nodded at him not able to find my voice, but it didn't matter because he was already pushing past me to get inside. I followed a few feet behind him and watched as the crowd seemed to part to let him pass. It was as if he were a leper, nobody would even make eye-contact with him yet alone get near him. I gaped after him for a minute before turning my attention to the main office.

I walked into the little office and immediately felt as if I were suffocating. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look up at me, I guess moving to a small town meant everyone knew that you were new. Great.

"Hi dear!" A woman who looked like she was trying a little too hard to fit in with the students smiled widely at me from her desk. Her hair looked like it had a whole can of aqua-net in it, and she had a shirt on that was far too tight for her. I cringed away involuntarily at her nasally voice.

"Um, hi." I started and then paused to clear my throat embarrassingly because my voice was hoarse from lack of use.

"You're a newbie huh?" She asked sounding far more excited than necessary, I just nodded and stared down at my sneakers.

She smiled at me some more. "Okay sweetie, let me get your schedule for you."

"Thank you." I answered softly with a nod.

"I just need your name." She looked up from her computer.

"Ella Smith." I replied and watched as her hands paused over the keyboard before she resumed typing swiftly, but it was there. The look of knowing was there, she must have saw my name in the newspapers after what happened with him. No matter how far I moved away from it,  I couldn't escape my past.

"Well here you are, let me just print this up okay Ella?" She asked looking up at me with sympathy. She knew what had happened to me. I squeezed my hands into tight balls to try to keep tears from filling my eyes.

"Here you go." She tried to force a smile at me as I snatched the paper from her hand roughly, and ran out of the office not caring how crazy or rude I was acting.

I ran down the hall feeling every bit the nut I was until I found a bathroom. I flung the door open and found that it was thankfully empty. Locking myself in the last stall, I tried to breathe nice deep calming breaths but it was no use. No matter where I went I was reminded of him. He ruined my life that night, he ruined me.

"Just breathe." I demanded myself, but I had already made my decision. I started digging in my bag for my secret weapon, my drug, and there they were in all their glory. I pulled the scissors out and made another slice right below the one from last night. I let all the air out of my lungs in a whooshing sound and felt myself becoming calmer by the second.

Just as I was exiting my stall the bathroom door flew open, and two girls entered chattering away. I pulled down the sleeve of my hoodie quickly and tried to remain invisible.

"I heard that Jace kid got into trouble with the cops, and that he might even be insane!" One of the girls said to the other while flinging her hair over her shoulder.

"Yeah, and its such a shame because he is absolutely gorgeous!" The other girl whined checking herself out in the mirror.

"What a waste." The first girl nodded in agreement.

I pulled my arms around my waist while walking by them as if I could fold into myself and completely disappear.

"Hey!" The girl closest to me exclaimed drawing attention to me.

"Uh, hi." I tried to keep walking but the other girl stopped me.

"You're new here, I've never seen you around before." She said pointing out the obvious.

I just nodded and squeezed my arms impossibly tighter around myself.

"What class do you have first?" One of them asked.

I shrugged and stared at the door longingly. I just wanted to get away from them.

"Okay then." The girl blocking the door snickered and stepped out of my way. I could hear them laughing at me as I walked out.





Jace
It was absolutely excruciating to be at school. It was only my second week in this hell hole and I already despised every motherfucker here. I was even sort of glad that all the rumors from my last school had traveled here with me because nobody messed with me. The guys all seemed to sniff me out the first day, only to decide that there was something wrong with me and to back the fuck off.

The girls were another story, I thought back to how Rachel Reynolds had thrown herself at me my first day only to be rejected immediately. Most the girls had stopped trying to catch my attention by now, deciding that I was a complete and utter asshole. Good I thought smirking to myself.

I was staring down at my hands resting on my desk and thinking that I could really use a drink, preferably something alcoholic, when the classroom door opened. I looked up and watched as the girl that I had collided with this morning walked in. She looked really anxious, her eyes darting around the room as she walked up to the teacher's desk and handed him a slip of paper.

"Ella Smith." Mr. Plant read her name out loud from the slip. I watched as she cringed and looked down at her sneakers.

"You can sit over there." Mr. Plant pointed to the empty seat next to mine. "Next to Jace."

She looked up from her sneakers and when her eyes met with mine she blushed lightly. I looked down again feeling quite frankly bored with the whole situation, and still desperately in need of a drink.

Through the whole class she sat rod straight and bounced her leg up and down on the rung of her chair. I wanted to tell her to cut that shit out because she was making me extremely anxious, but I just kept my mouth shut and tried to look interested in Mr. Plant's lesson. I hated chemistry.

***

Halfway through the day I was already hearing rumors about the new girl. Supposedly she had moved here to live with her father because of some shit that happened with an ex-boyfriend. I heard Rachel Reynolds saying something about her not being normal, as if someone so whorish should be the judge of normalcy.

I was walking to lunch when I saw her coming out of the girls bathroom looking as if she were stoned out of her mind, lucky bitch. She was fumbling with her backpack and didn't notice me walking less than a foot beside her. She was just about to collide with me for the second time today when I put my hands out to stop her. She jumped a mile and brought her hand up to her chest. She looked up at me apologetically with her big hazel eyes and started to offer me a small smile, but I squashed that shit right there.

"Watch where you're going!" I spat at her.

Her eyes grew wide and she pulled her arms around her torso looking miserable, but I just pushed past her like I did earlier. I was not about to ruin all my hard work to keep everyone away from me by being nice to some random girl. I don't know why but when she had looked up at me I felt something inside of me awaken, and I didn't like it one bit. I felt like a normal teenage boy at that moment, and that was just not acceptable because I was not normal.
 
***
 
The day was dragging, but it was finally last period. I walked into my english class and had to stifle the urge to groan. The new girl was in this class too, and she was seated in the desk next to mine, figures. I walked to my desk and threw my english text down with more force than necessary while stealing a glance at her from the corner of my eye, she didn't even flinch. I sat down with an audible sigh and rubbed my hand over my face roughly. She turned to me slightly and darted her eyes around the room nervously.


"I'm sorry I walked into you." She whispered causing me to sigh again.

"Whatever." I said keeping my voice void of any emotion.

She didn't talk to me again the rest of the period, and I found myself looking over in her direction more times than I would like to admit. Her dark hair was acting as a curtain blocking her face from view. She was sitting perfectly straight and bouncing her leg up and down again. What was with this chick?

"Jace?" Mrs. Peterson's voice cut through my thoughts and she sounded annoyed.

"What?" I hissed feeling pretty fucking annoyed myself.

"I called you three times, please pay attention." She looked at me pointedly.

I shrugged at her glaring at every fucker that was staring at me now, and then I looked over at Ella. She was still looking down, her hair shielding her face, and I noticed that her leg wasn't bouncing anymore. I studied her for a second more and noticed her hands in her lap, they were bunched into small fists that were turning her knuckles white. I found myself wanting to comfort her, and again I squashed that shit and turned my attention back to my english text.