So maybe I had taken it a little too fucking far this morning with the whole note thing. I remembered how upset she looked before fleeing the classroom, damn it I sucked. I really was just trying to do what was best for her, and for me. She might think she's damaged, but she had no fucking clue how beyond repair I was.
I continued on with my self-loathing thoughts as I took a swig off my "water" bottle, I had replaced the water with Vodka this morning. After a night of drinking and refusing to sleep it had seemed like a fucking brilliant idea. Except now, now I found myself slouched against the wall by the cafeteria feeling pretty fucking lonely, and even with this buzz I felt like shit. I couldn't go in and deal with all the ignorant ridiculous people, and I definitely couldn't see Ella. It was bad enough I was going to have to share last period with her, and I wasn't even going to have enough liquor to keep this buzz going.
I unscrewed the cap, giving up I poured the last of its contents down my throat, and enjoyed the burn as it passed through my esophagus and into my chest. I shivered and threw the empty water bottle back into my bag.
I jumped at the sound of the female voice, and realized before even turning to look that it wasn't Ella's voice. It was too high-pitched and forced to be her, plus she probably fucking despised me by now.
I turned and was greeted by a smiling Rachel Reynolds, her excessive amounts of perfume and cleavage right in my face. She smelled as if a fucking perfume factory had exploded, it was overpowering, and quite frankly it was giving me a fucking headache. She must have mistaken my staring as a good sign because she reached out and touched my arm giggling.
"Don't." I barked pulling my arm away from her, just as Ella was walking by.
"Hey Ella." Rachel said in a taunting voice, causing her to look at first Rachel and then me. I've never wanted to punch a girl as much as I wanted to punch Rachel right then.
I looked over at Ella to try to put into my facial expression what I couldn't put into words, that I wasn't interested in this fucking whorebag. Thats when I noticed the red mark on her face.
"What the fuck." I growled and stomped, well more like I stumbled over to her because to be quite fucking honest I may have overdone it with the Vodka. "What the fuck happened to your face?" I asked reaching for her cheek slowly as she slapped my hand away.
"Don't touch me." She said firmly.
I pulled my hand back as if she had bitten me, and watched as she turned away from me and disappeared into the sea of faces in the lunch room. I was feeling pretty fucking sorry for myself by now. I stared down at my shoes and watched as they seemed to whirl from side to side underneath me.
"Hey, I can make you feel better." Rachel's whiney voice cut through my hazey thoughts bringing me back to earth. Jesus, why the fuck was this girl still here? Couldn't she take a fucking hint?
"Somehow, I really doubt that." I said as coldly as I could and left her standing there. Honestly I think if I stayed another minute I was going to have more than words with Rachel Reynolds, because for some reason I knew she was responsible for the red mark on Ella's face.
I continued stumbling down the hall until I found a spot that seemed like a good place to rest, and then I was out.
I awoke to someone pulling on my arm, and shaking me roughly. "Jace, damn it- get up!"
"Fuck off Ian." I mumbled before realizing where I was.
A small snort came from above me. "Usually you don't call me Ian, but the fuck off part sounds about right." She snarked.
I looked up into the most amazing fucking hazel eyes and felt so relieved that she was speaking to me. God, I was one indecisive bastard. This situation was just all sorts of fucked up.
"I should have just left you here passed out, what are you thinking drinking at school?" She hissed looking around her nervously.
I raised an eyebrow at her now. "Oh, but your way of coping is okay to do at school?"
"I give up!" She yelled throwing her hands in the air, and startling the shit out of me.
"What, what!?" I looked around feeling really anxious, now that she was talking to me I didn't want her to stop. "Relax, I was just joking. We're both seriously fucked up okay?"
"You're not fucked up, you just play the whole "bad boy" act." She said while making air quotations.
Now she had me fucking fuming. How dare she form opinions about me? She didn't know a damn thing about me, and so I told her so. "You don't know a damn thing about me."
"Well who's fault is that?" She spat at me.
God she was a mind fuck. What the hell were we even fucking arguing about? "WHAT?" I asked while shaking my head as if I could clear the jumbled thoughts inside.
"I said who's fault is that? You expected me to tell you everything about me because you accidently got involved in my stuff, but you never offered anything in return." She was blushing a little now, and I was just really fucking confused.
"Why do you care Ella?" I asked gently, because I was genuinely curious.
"I don't know." She looked completely and utterly exasperated, kind of how I've been feeling since she showed up here this week. "I don't know." She repeated looking frustrated. Then she just turned that shit around on me. "Why did you care so much about my problem?"
"You're hurting yourself." I said slowly, but I couldn't come up with a reason as to why I couldn't seem to get her out of my head. "And I still do care- about your problem" I added glumly.
"Why does it matter?" She asked carefully.
Boy was that a loaded question. "I don't know." I answered honestly.
"Okay." She said simply, pursing her lips and looking anywhere but at me.
Shut up, shut up, shut up! Why was I blabbering on like a moron exposing myself again?Finding him passed out after lunch period had scared me, so I broke down and woke him up. I had vowed not to talk to him, and now instead of ignoring him I just basically informed him that I had an interest in him. Damn it! I mean, who wouldn't have an interest in him? He must know that he is amazingly good looking, and girls always tend to fall for the whole rebellious and mysterious thing right?
I couldn't believe I was turning into one of those stupid girls, especially after last summer. But I wasn't shallow like Rachel, there was something hiding under his exterior that drew me to him. When I looked into Jace Parker's eyes I saw the same pain I often felt reflecting back at me, and sometimes I even watched him turn it off and go numb like I do as well.
"I better get my stuff for class." I blurted and turned away from him shakily, but he grabbed my arm stopping me.
"Wait." He whispered while gripping my shirt-sleeve lightly, I exhaled sharply as he pulled it up and stared at the damage I had done lastnight. He shook his head slowly and frowned at my arm. "Why?" He asked in a tone that sounded more hurt than necessary.
"I don't know." I shrugged pulling my sleeve down, thankful that he didn't know about my leg.
"These ones were because of me, because of last night." He said looking really upset now. "Or even this morning- this morning when you left chemistry." He was pacing now and pulling on his hair like a mad man. I was actually kind of concerned he was going to rip it out.
"None of them are anyone's fault but my own." I said honestly.
"Fuck." He swore loudly, causing people in the now full corridor to turn and stare at us, which only caused him to swear more. "What the fuck are you looking at?" He snarled at a group of nervous looking kids.
"Stop." I said grabbing his arm, and forcing him to look at me. "It's not your fault, I would have done it anyways."
"And what did that Rachel bitch do to your face?" He asked sounding impossibly more livid. "And don't try to feed me some bullshit story either." He warned glaring at me.
I glared back and crossed my arms. "It's nothing."
"Ella." He growled.
"Fine, I told her to fuck off." I said shrugging.
He made a sound between choking and laughing and looked at me. "You said 'fuck off'?" He sounded so humored by this, I didn't get why when he swore practically every other word..
"Yeah, and then she slapped me and told me to stay out of her way." I left out the whole part that the small feud had been somewhat about him. He was still chuckling a little until I mentioned the slap, then he was back to scowling.
"You know, you look so much nicer when you smile." I blurted, I was definitely going to call up the makers of Pepto-bismol and ask them if they had a formula for diarrhea of the mouth.
He smiled crookedly at me now, and I just nodded in response.
Then he surprised me further by stepping closer to me. "Skip the rest of the day with me?" He asked looking like he would give anything to just get out of here.
"Uh, I don't know Jace." I bit my bottom lip nervously.
"Right, I forgot." He said simply.
"Forgot what?" I asked feeling more nervous than necessary.
"You don't like being alone with guys." He whispered and I could feel his breath on my face he was so close. To be completely honest I hadn't even been worrying about the being alone part, I was too busy worrying what would happen if my dad found out that I had skipped, and with Jace on top of it.
I could still smell traces of alcohol on his breath, and then I remembered that he was probably still a little buzzed. "Jace." I whispered as he got even closer to me.
"Yeah?" He whispered in return, coming closer still.
"Excuse me." A short and chubby female teacher that I never saw before broke through the spell that seemed to be entwining us.
"What." Jace snapped looking really aggravated by the interruption.
"You two better get to class, you're lucky I don't give you detention."
"Okay." I shrugged and grabbed Jace's arm pulling him behind me before he could argue with the lady.
Once we rounded the corner I stopped and looked up at him. "Okay." I said.
"Huh?" He stared down at me obviously perplexed.
"I'll skip with you." I whispered anxiously as his face broke out into the most glorious smile.
We walked to a small ice-cream shop in the center of town, since neither of us had a car we figured this was the best place we could hang out that was close. Plus this way I could get back to the school before the last bell so my dad hopefully wouldn't notice the difference.
When we ordered Jace got a chocolate ice-cream cone, which I found hilarious to watch him eat, and I got a chocolate frappe. We walked down the small strip that made up the center of town and stopped at a small bookstore. When we went inside the girl behind the desk smiled and waved at Jace enthusiastically. To be honest I wasn't expecting this, especially where he had ice-cream dripping everywhere.
"Hey Norah!" He said through a mouthful of his waffle cone.
"Hey Jace." She looked over at me and smiled at him pointedly, looking a little too curious about me for my liking.
"I've got a whole stack of books waiting for you over there, and we just got a new shipment of journals in." The girl named Norah said before busying herself with what appeared to be paper work.
"Thanks!" He replied enthusiastically. He seemed so familiar with her that I felt like I shouldn't even be there, like I was imposing, and for some reason I found myself feeling unreasonably jealous.
The girl wasn't much older than us, and she was gorgeous. She had olive skin, and big brown eyes, her jet black hair was cut just above her shoulders and it fell in shaggy layers around her beautiful face. She also had a colorful tattoo of vines and flowers traveling up her right arm. Compared to this girl I was painfully plain. I found myself feeling ridiculously deflated, because this is the type of girl I could picture Jace Parker with.
After Jace made a few selections, and asked me several times if I was going to get anything, we made our way to the cash register. The annoyingly beautiful Norah rang us out and gave her opinion on each of his selections. They seemed to know so much about each other, and it was really frustrating me because Jace was still a mystery to me, an enigma of sorts. I guess I had figured he never let anyone into his little world.
She finally finished ringing him out, and as we were walking out the door she yelled out to him. "See you tonight!" Then she laughed a small and dainty laugh before adding. "And don't worry I won't tell Ian you skipped."
"Come on, I'll walk you back to the school." Jace offered as we stepped onto the pretty much deserted sidewalk.
"Who's Ian?" I asked remembering when I woke him up after lunch how he had called me by that name.
"Ian's my older brother." He said looking like the subject would be coming to an end soon.
"So like what? Does he tell on you a lot?" I asked trying to figure out why Norah would keep the fact that Jace had skipped from his own brother.
"No, Ian's my guardian." He said through gritted teeth, and I knew that the subject was now officialy closed.
"Oh." I said lamely, because that's all I could really come up with. Then I chewed on my lip trying to build up the courage to ask about Norah, but that question would have to wait because my dad was driving by us toward the school now. "Shit!" I hissed.
"What?" Jace looked at me shocked.
"That was just my dad's truck." I said feeling myself panic.