It was finally the end of the day, the last bell had just rang and I watched in astonishment as the Jace guy crammed his books into his backpack. He was moving quickly and with more aggresion than I thought was necessary. I studied him for a moment because he really was something to look at, he had a strong jaw line with a straight nose and perfect lips. His hair was tousled in an unruly manor that made it look like he constantly raked his hands through it, the girls in the bathroom this morning had been right, he was gorgeous. I shook my head to erase those unwelcome thoughts, I had no need for a guy in my life, especially a guy with trouble written all over him.
He looked up suddenly catching me staring. "What the fuck are you looking at?" He snarled.
I looked down quickly, blushing. He probably thought I was a total spaz, I already walked into him twice and now I was caught openly gaping at him. I'm such an idiot, I could feel him glaring at me still so against my own will I looked up at him again.
"Why don't you take a fucking picture?" He spat before storming out of the room. Oh, he did not like me. I shakily got up and picked up my backpack glad that I could go home to the privacy of my bedroom.
As soon as I walked out of the school I spotted my dad's truck, I let out a breath of relief and booked it toward my ticket out of here. What the hell did I care if everyone was watching me run like a mad-woman, they all thought I was weird already.
"Hey kiddo!" My dad greeted me when I got into the truck. I nodded at him in response smiling slightly. I felt bad for my dad sometimes, he didn't really know how to deal with a teenage girl, but he tried his best. "How was your first day?" He asked.
"Um, alright I guess." I shrugged trying to let him know I didn't want to talk about it.
"Did you make any friends?" He pushed the subject further.
"Yah, um-" I looked around the parking lot stalling, I didn't want to worry him with the fact that everyone at the school thought I was a weirdo already. I looked out the windshield and drew in a sharp breath, Jace was walking across the parking lot. He looked the same as he had ten minutes ago, except now he was sporting a black eye, and he looked pissed. What the-
My dad interrupted my thoughts sounding nervous. "Don't tell me you made friends with Jace Parker?"
"Huh?" I asked confused.
"Jace." He pointed out the windshield to the gorgeous, and rather disgrunteled boy.
"Uh-no." I said simply, but felt my heart sink. I had actually done just the opposite, pissing Jace off to no end on my first day.
"Good." He said, and when I looked at him in confusion he continued. "That boy is nothing but trouble, he gets in fights regularly and he has a record."
"A record?" I asked feeling a little unnerved by this bit of information.
"Just stay away from him El."
I nodded and I guess that was enough for him because he put the truck in gear and started the journey home. We drove along in a comfortable silence and I couldn't help but think of Jace. What had he done in the ten minutes between last period, and when I saw him walking across the school lot? How had he gotten that black eye?
Once I was finally home and in the safety of my bedroom I let myself have my release. I felt slightly better about the little confrontation with Jace, and I was hoping he would forget my awkward staring and I could go back to being invisible. It seemed to work well with everyone else, nobody bothered with me. It might of had something to do with the weird meeting I had in the girl's bathroom that morning, I know those girls sensed something was off about me. They probably told everyone how weird I had acted. I didn't care to be quite honest, I prefered to just be left alone. I had enough anxiety as it was with out having to worry about how I was effecting other people.
I looked down at my arm, which now had a total of six slices and went into my bathroom to clean up the fresh cut I had just made, and the two that I had inflicted at school. I thanked my dad silently for letting me take the room with it's own bathroom.
After dinner, which was a frozen dinner, I finished up my homework and read a couple of chapters from the new book I had bought. It was midnight, I stared at the pillows resting on my headboard furtively. I knew I should get some sleep because it was getting late and I had to get up for school in the morning, but I couldn't keep my throat from getting tight and I knew that meant I was on the verge of a panic attack.
I curled up in a tight little ball and tried to fight the moster that was clawing at my chest, threatening to steal my breath away. I layed there and let my breaths come in tiny gasps and felt as the tears poured from the corners of my eyes.
"Don't you love me?" Brad's voice echoed in my memory.
He was grabbing me and pulling me toward him as I fought to wiggle free.
"Please, don't!" I cried as he started ripping my clothes off violently.
"You're such a prude Ella." He looked angry with me.
"Please Brad!" I begged him but he just kept pulling and ripping at the fabric covering me until I was completely exposed.
"You always tease me, and never let me touch." He was grabbing me roughly enough that I would have bruises, and then he, then he-
"STOP!" I screamed out loud pulling on my hair roughly with both hands, tears streaming down my face.
"Ella?" My dad's worried voice called from the other side of my door.
I sat on the ratty couch in my older brother Ian's apartment, well it was our apartment now seeing as I had moved in with him recently.
"What the hell Jace?" He asked staring at my face.
"What?" I barked staring at him through narrowed eyes.
"What do you mean what? What happened to you face?" He threw his hands in the air and stared at me clearly exasperated. "Another fight?"
"No, I figured I'd experiment with some makeup." I snarked.
"Really funny." He said dryly.
"It's no joke, if you pick the wrong colors with your skin tone-" I paused to cluck my tongue and shake my head. "I think I'm more of a winter hue honestly." I continued with my sarcasm, I knew it was pissing him the fuck off.
"Jace, I can't help you if you don't talk to me." I rolled my eyes at him as he continued trying to be my parent.
"You can't keep getting into fights like this, what happened this time?"
I thought back to this afternoon.
When I had gotten out of last period Ryan Weber had been talking to one of his football buddies about the new girl. He was pissing me the fuck off, but honestly when wasn't I pissed off in that school? Anyways, he had said some shit about her being hot, but not dateable. He had called her damaged goods. I don't know why this had infuriated me, but I thought I should show Ryan what it was like to have his goods damaged, if you know what I mean.
"Nothing." I grunted turning the TV on and hopefully closing the discussion.
"Honestly Jace? Ryan Weber? The quarterback?" Ian cocked his head at me as if he couldn't decode me. "You really know how to pick your fights, Jesus, what are you trying to do- get the whole school to show up here with torches and pitchforks?" Shit, word got around fast in a small town.
Obviously I wasn't going to enjoy any god damn TV tonight.
"Whatever." I grunted getting up and walking to my room.
"You're gonna get yourself killed one day!" He yelled after me.
"Don't provoke me." I laughed with out humor slamming the door to my bedroom shut on his response.
I layed down on my full-size mattress and tried to get comfortable, I was going to try to get some sleep but my eye was throbbing.
I smiled at the memory of this afternoon.
I had tapped Ryan on the shoulder and when he turned to look at me I had kneed him in the balls so hard I'm sure he could taste them. I know this was a shitty ass move on my part, hitting below the belt, but he fucking deserved that shit.
He had looked at me in shock, and then anger and took a swing at my face before doubling over. He had hit me, and he had hit me good, but I took it with a menacing smile that was bordering on insane.
"Damaged goods." I stated gesturing toward his surely painful crotch. I watched him as he stayed double over and I leaned in to where his face was. "That shit hurts doesn't it?" I asked before walking away.
I hoped where ever that asshole was that his balls were throbbing as bad as my face, maybe I should have stayed and kicked the shit out of him, but I couldn't afford to get suspended. I also couldn't afford to get Ian really mad at me, he was my only living relative left, and I had no where else to go.
I layed in silence for a bit before drifting off into a deep sleep, where I dreamt of everyone from my school coming to Ian's apartment with torches looking for me. I was wearing black eye makeup, and looked much like a member from Kiss. I ran to the top of the apartment building and Ella was there, and she helped me find a way to escape.
I was obviously fucking insane.
The next day at school I waited in the parking lot until I saw Ella's father's truck pull into the student drop off lane. I watched with more interest than I would like to admit as she got out of the truck, her hair was covering her face and top half of her body. She had her head down and her arms pulled around herself, much like yesterday when she walked into me. I wasn't actually mad that she had walked into me, but she really should try to keep her head up while walking. I watched as she shuffled into the school, she seemed to be dragging her feet on the ground and I wondered if she was tired.
What the fuck? Why did I care?
I got into the chem lab and took my usual seat waiting anxiously for Ella to enter the room. God I was fucking retarded, I shouldn't even be thinking of talking to this girl. I couldn't let anyone get close to me, I was fucked up enough on my own, I would just end up hurting someone.
I finally had my thoughts in the right place when she walked in the room. She was practically dragging herself down the aisle when I looked up at her. I continued watching her warily and decided that she was just like any other girl, no reason for me to get all dumb and hormonal.
She flopped down weakly in her seat and stared at the top of our table in silence. I studied her curiously as she just continued staring down at the table. What the fuck was she looking at? I directed my attention to where her gaze was fixed, there was nothing there. Then I remembered the last time I had talked to her yesterday, I had been anything but nice. I mentally kicked myself for my harshness, and then decided it was for the best. She couldn't be interested in me, and I just made sure that she knew that.
Through out the period she just continued staring at the same spot on the table with no expression on her face. I was going insane watching her from the corner of my eye, my whole body on edge waiting for her to move. At one point she sighed causing me to jump and turn my whole body towards her, this broke her staring match with the table for a moment, and she looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.
"Uh, look." I started searching for words and rubbing at the back of my head. "I'm sorry I fucking tweaked on you yesterday." I said quickly.
She just looked at me with her haunted eyes for a few moments, I noticed that her pupils were dialated and decided she was just high or something.
"Are you high?" I asked, because apparently I had no filter between my brain and mouth today.
She inhaled sharply shaking her head and pulling at her longsleeves.
"Oh." I stated even though she had to be lying, her pupils were fucking huge. Whatever.
I stopped talking after that and she just continued staring at her favorite spot on the table, fucking weird.
When the bell finally rang she made no move to get up, I pretended to dig for something in my backpack and watched as the classroom emptied out, she was still just sitting there. I looked around nervously before looking at her. "Uh, you should probably get moving, yeah?"
She looked up at me then and her eyes seemed to suddenly come to life, filling with tears. "I just wanted to stay numb." She cried out.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I didn't know what to do if she started crying. I looked around at everything in the room but her. Then she surprised me by getting up and flinging all of her shit into her backpack, and running out of the room.